Hopia (n.) - mga tawag sa mga hoping na magiging sila but ending? Nganga.

In english "hoping" hoping that we will going to be in a relationship. Hoping that person will have the same feelings with you. That that person will recognize your effort and uniqueness with them.

HOPING.

I think Anne Frank is right
"when there is hope there is love".

But how would you conquer hope if every time you are hoping with someone is resulting to being hopia? Is love *romantically* is real? Or is just a delusion? Our is it just a word that created so that people would still have that "hope" feeling in life?

To be honest sex is really easy to find. You can just flirt someone and have sex with but this so called thing 'love' is like a four leaf clover in a clover field which is hard to find since its the exactly the same with the other clover leafs. Does this still exist?

For almost a years trying to communicate with others and trying to understand them its come to my attention that this so called love is so underrated. It makes people much weaker than before he/she met the person. Is it a good sign or a bad sign?

I'm writing this since I'm getting depress as fuck. I'm having this social pressure to be in a relationship.

and.

Hirapp na hiraappp na akong ..... UMASAAA na merong spark to the one I'm trying to intact with, where infact wala pala. WAT.


Is it because I am ugly? Am I not worth it? Am I out to that circle where this called "romantically in-love" exist? Am I not ready? Am I full? Am I weird? Is it because of society?

I tried my best to lower my standard to fit with this circle where "romantically inlove exist" and society interpret it as overrated. Wat. @____@. I've been in a mutual relationship but the labeling is not there. Which is terrifying when you get tired of everything since you don't know how to react of everyday life with him/her and you asks the question "ano bang meron sa atin? *what are we? in terms of romantic relationship*" and he or she will reply "i don't know" it legit breaks my hearts knowing that there is something but you are limiting yourself into the opportunity of being in a relationship.

Let me speak about my story.

Meron kasi akong sinusubukang kunin *in terms of relationship* he is a straight guy as far as I know. The reason why I like him is I can sense that he can protect me. That he could be there every time my depression attack. Which the only thing I need. Someone who can understand that I have a frequent depression. And we bond, we have a lot of things in common. In the other side. He needs someone who can understand him. That he is not capable of expressing the real feeling he have which is I can interpret. My mission is to protect him to overdosed emotion while him guard me or nourish me when I have depression. But sometimes he just skip a beat like a week we're going to ignore each other. Or he is already out on his shell that he don't need me anymore. Which is depressing as fuck. you just cut tie because of the selfish act that you are already complete. Not thinking of *me* or the other person who help you to be complete and now *me* or the other person is now the one who is broken. Thinking that he might come back with my missing piece.


Hays.

Life, what's good? What's love? hays. mas mabuting maging patatas nalang kesa sa maging tao. Atleast sarili ko lang iisipin ko and other people will care for me since they need me. They need nutrition which I can provide.

People are legit selfish as fuck, -__-.