Someone just broke my heart.. again
6/10/2018 11:05:00 PM
A man that I poured care, attention and time break my heart. This is not the first time nor the last, but the feeling of being violated never changed. The self-crumbling, the self-defense mechanism, all the things that I do every-time I'm broken is back again.
And I thought I'm strong enough. Strong enough to take this kind of thing as a matter of nonsense.
Just a few memoirs of this guy. We've been a friend for almost three years, I think. Talking casually for at least two years. I also had had a few intimate moments with him. I'd never realized that I will fall for this kind of unsolicited guy, but I guess universe know what's up and say let's punch this human some reality again. I hate this. I hate how I have to feel. I hate how universe knows my weakness. I hate everything.
I have a workshop tomorrow and in addition to that, tomorrow is my birthday. What a delightful gift from God. Yes.
Why though? I put everything that I can and barely saved something for myself. Is this part of growing up? Is this part of maturity? Is this part of human life?
If this is, then I hate it. I hate that fact that I loved him and hated him at the same time. But I guess now it's only "hated". I hope everything will be not the same again and yet we are back again, the similar thing happened while I'm at college. I guess things never changed?
And I thought I'm strong enough. Strong enough to take this kind of thing as a matter of nonsense.
Just a few memoirs of this guy. We've been a friend for almost three years, I think. Talking casually for at least two years. I also had had a few intimate moments with him. I'd never realized that I will fall for this kind of unsolicited guy, but I guess universe know what's up and say let's punch this human some reality again. I hate this. I hate how I have to feel. I hate how universe knows my weakness. I hate everything.
I have a workshop tomorrow and in addition to that, tomorrow is my birthday. What a delightful gift from God. Yes.
Why though? I put everything that I can and barely saved something for myself. Is this part of growing up? Is this part of maturity? Is this part of human life?
If this is, then I hate it. I hate that fact that I loved him and hated him at the same time. But I guess now it's only "hated". I hope everything will be not the same again and yet we are back again, the similar thing happened while I'm at college. I guess things never changed?
or have I not learned something to this?
Apparently if he saws this then I'm pretty sure I will fuck it up. Much more than what is it today.
But no one bothers to come to this website except for my feelings, random thoughts, and night chingga. So I guess I'm free to pour out what I feel?
I always thought that there is something. It's a failed love again. I'm sick of this really. I'm getting old. I should be more focusing on my goals and not this feelings. But I guess I won't escape this kind of things. I guess I have to lived that no one will give a shit about me. And he is just another mistake that I've did.
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