Lalalalalalalalalala

The thing that I thought I was good at, I thought I was good enough. Newsflash I am not.

And I am scared.
And the reason is I don't know why.
Am I pressure?
Am I going to have a good pictures?

This is the event that I don't talk too much since:
A. I don't have money
B. I'm a lowkey person that cries easily

And by this time this kind of things are actually have basis which is facebook commentary/who post in your timeline. Is this is the thing we have now? Though I do have close friends that knows my birthday but the society itself is fucked up. Just filling up their ego with this hallucination of fake happiness.

I just have one wish. I do hope everyone became happy.
(send me gift in paypal pls. thejonaii@gmail.com)

So basically I have a budget to buy a new lens however I'm worried if do I really need it? Since there are still major things I need. Do I need it?

Soooooo I joined this organization since I am graduating student (that has a fucked up sentence organization. Lol) and I wanted to feel on what it feels like to work with people again.

However to start with this is that we are actually the founder of this organization this mean we need to do the paper works. Starting from the Constitution, Vision, Mission, and etc of the organization which is pain in the butt.


Anddddd also since it is FILM making I need to buy some new things to my camera (Yes I do have a camera and its the source of my life, and income)

I need this things to buy:

So basically I survived this thriving month. With a lot of pressure because of the debt!! LUCKILY I FOUND A CUSTOMER IN MY SERVICE (Phone Verification) and he brought 300 accounts (which is $300) that saves my life!

But before that I did pawn my lovely Camera (I almost teared up because it's the source of my life) and Manage to budget all the money given by my Parents (Love them a lot!)

Now I don't have a problem!! ........


I don't have??....

I got this feeling of being alone every evening and I don't how to explain it. It triggers just time to time of night and I don't know what it triggers. Is it because I became too focused on being an independent person? I actually envy people who have been in loved or the feeling of beloved.

Should I open my heart to new comings again? But to whom? him? her? what? I don't know what to choose more.

If I choose a him partner they will just basically have my inner heart to be on heat because of the pondering love they can give.