Lalalalalalalalalala

I've been in the peak of my patience this past few days due to the fact that my mother keeps calling me (using her phone) to summon me for food. And I'm either asleep when she is making this habits. And there is this proverb in my country that
'Mag biro ka nalang sa lasing wag lang sa bagong gising' (make fun on a drunk man rather than the person who have just awoken)

A man that I poured care, attention and time break my heart. This is not the first time nor the last, but the feeling of being violated never changed. The self-crumbling, the self-defense mechanism, all the things that I do every-time I'm broken is back again.




And I thought I'm strong enough. Strong enough to take this kind of thing as a matter of nonsense.

Well it seems that even I have a job I'm still going to be depress sad. I'm loosing again with this feeling of sadness. Why do I feel melancholy again? I have a stable job, I have something that no one can have. But still, why? Am I lonely? is there's something that I don't want today? is there's anything that I want? am I doing the wrong thing of my life? it's past Saturday but what the hell?

am I tired of watching something I love disappeared? am I reminiscing again?


does this disconnection to human society is making me feel more vulnerable to being sad?


I can't have my life on my own. and it seems that people are inferring.

It's been 2 months since I graduated on my Alma Mater. It's a roller coaster ride. Tho I need work to sustain my family's needs and my self too. I just hope that this journey will make me find my work.

So I keep telling to my self last March if I didn't march on March then I will slit my wrist really. Because I'm so done with all this struggles or challenges in my life. Yet, I graduated in my Alma Mater!!