Lalalalalalalalalala

Hopia (n.) - mga tawag sa mga hoping na magiging sila but ending? Nganga.

I dunno. It feels like I'm missing something. That I am far beyond the circle of the track of all the human life. That I wander off too far and seeing all the things that I shouldn't have. Am I getting crazy?

I wanted to surprise her this upcoming December with  frame from their wedding. Since it seems that they don't have a plan printing it in so I'll do it. LOL. Anyway it may sounds cheesy but I've been planning to do this since their first anniversary. Even she's so cluster in her life right now she's still my sister. Just some younger brother duties.

I don't know what to do. I'm in cluster fuck I'm so tired. REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY TIRED OF WHAT IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW. I've got 20,000PHP(415USD) on debt. My Phone Service Verification is currently on process (which is taking too much time that it makes my business lost customers), I have a due date for final Defense this Saturday.

Yessssssssszzzzzzzzzzz it's another photowalk. Yes, yes, I know my entry is ugly. There's a lot of entry that is much much more beautiful than this but for me it is my best shot.

I haven't learned from my mistake. What is wrong with me? I'm on a debt again. AGAIN.

I pity children who are becoming a robot just following what's their parents told them to do.

I know most of the time we need to follow them because for what reason? because they give us the food? because they want us them to be happy?

But is happiness is of the parents should be taken care of?

I have been searching my music genre for the past few months. Something that will please my mind, my soul, my eternal salvation eternity.AND I FOUND IT!

I'm planning to leave my physical body. It's getting irritating, too much on everything. Trying to suppress everything that I can do. Things that I want to do. I just want to live to what I want. I wanna go homeeeeeeeeeee. I want to take a 5 years straight sleep right now. I just want to have a moment of my self.

Is it being selfish? Is it being uncaught bullshit? I don't knowwwwwwwwwwww.

I'm actually ignoring my session with my counselor because I have of a lot things to do.

I HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR THIS ANIME FOR A WHILE NOW. AND FINALLY!! I FOUND IT!!!! (I'm not that weeb I'm just a fan of this anime)

It's called Angelic Layer

I discovered this anime in HERO (A Filipino Anime Dubbed Channel) and I have been so obsessed with this anime for almost a years. I was so astound on the doll and how you can upgrade the doll into a better one.


At that time Anime is really not that thing in the Philippines. It was just like a normal cartoon series but now it is actually a big thing here in the Philippines. This anime depicts everything that transcend into virtual reality. I still need to rewatch everything to give it up a review and I'm pretty sure this will be awesome.



Click this to watch all the anime episode: Link

So let's define first what is existential crisis is:

An existential crisis is a moment at which an individual questions the very foundations of their life: whether this life has any meaning, purpose, or value. This issue of the meaning and purpose of existence is the topic of the philosophical school of existentialism.
(based on wikipedia)

To cut down everything into a simplest form. It means that existential crisis is having this question in their own mind:


If you have this question in your mind. Yes!!! You are having a existential crisis!!

Most of modern relationships these days deminish this idea but for me this is one of the important thing that a person can hold on to. It's maybe unsaid rule but it is should be necessary for something else. For instance "I own that Cabinet" given such any idea that that cabinet belongs to you even without legal documents or so and just putting some label on it.

I have given a power by my beloved ancestors that I can read emotions, what do they feel, everything that is connected to that person. It usually comes when I just currently woke up and it is irritating me a lot. Specially if I didn't eat my heavy dinner and I just woke up.

I never understand why people can't do this.

The thing that I thought I was good at, I thought I was good enough. Newsflash I am not.

And I am scared.
And the reason is I don't know why.
Am I pressure?
Am I going to have a good pictures?

This is the event that I don't talk too much since:
A. I don't have money
B. I'm a lowkey person that cries easily

And by this time this kind of things are actually have basis which is facebook commentary/who post in your timeline. Is this is the thing we have now? Though I do have close friends that knows my birthday but the society itself is fucked up. Just filling up their ego with this hallucination of fake happiness.

I just have one wish. I do hope everyone became happy.
(send me gift in paypal pls. thejonaii@gmail.com)

So basically I have a budget to buy a new lens however I'm worried if do I really need it? Since there are still major things I need. Do I need it?

Soooooo I joined this organization since I am graduating student (that has a fucked up sentence organization. Lol) and I wanted to feel on what it feels like to work with people again.

However to start with this is that we are actually the founder of this organization this mean we need to do the paper works. Starting from the Constitution, Vision, Mission, and etc of the organization which is pain in the butt.


Anddddd also since it is FILM making I need to buy some new things to my camera (Yes I do have a camera and its the source of my life, and income)

I need this things to buy:

So basically I survived this thriving month. With a lot of pressure because of the debt!! LUCKILY I FOUND A CUSTOMER IN MY SERVICE (Phone Verification) and he brought 300 accounts (which is $300) that saves my life!

But before that I did pawn my lovely Camera (I almost teared up because it's the source of my life) and Manage to budget all the money given by my Parents (Love them a lot!)

Now I don't have a problem!! ........


I don't have??....

I got this feeling of being alone every evening and I don't how to explain it. It triggers just time to time of night and I don't know what it triggers. Is it because I became too focused on being an independent person? I actually envy people who have been in loved or the feeling of beloved.

Should I open my heart to new comings again? But to whom? him? her? what? I don't know what to choose more.

If I choose a him partner they will just basically have my inner heart to be on heat because of the pondering love they can give.

The reason of me having my self in all this money making methods in internet is because of the reason that I'm currently on debt in school. That is due this week. To those who didn't know about my school background.

I'm a 3rd year BSIT in Ateneo de Naga University (AdNU) a amazing Jesuit school here in the Philippines!

Why did I became in debt?

The reason I was in debt because of the thing that my parent is currently cutting my allowance to minimize our cost. My Dad that is currently retired (which is still not on pension) and my Mom that only has 5k/month in salary make my living survive. In addition with my rent that is super costly make this more a lot harder. Even myself is having a hard time coping up my expenses here in which I'm currently staying.

Why didn't you get a job while you're studying?

Hmmm... I don't know how to start but let me begin. I won't talk about my technical information's since you won't need it. How about we talk about who is me inside me.

Reality wise.

Since the beginning of the youtube I wanted to learn this instrument Kulintang and own one of this. Apparently it is too expensive.



The reason I want to is to preserve our own culture here in the Philippines.

This song reminds me of my Grandmom. She really likes the Spirit TV Show in ABS CBN and at that time we where actually bothered why did she like that TV Show infact it's not about love and it is all about some huloo bullshit.

2 days from now I will be releasing a website  DIY Tutorials Zone!. Basically all the things inside the website is a do it your self tutorials gathered in the internet and connected to 1 website!

image: https://www.flickr.com/photos/sinulog || edit by: Jonaii

image from: http://www.nationofchange.org/2015/09/13/why-so-many-americans-defend-the-failed-capitalist-experiment/